May 24, 2017

Alien = Rapey Penis Monster


One of the greatest things about the Alien franchise is how it's totally perverse.

You can Google the Alien franchise to learn more about how it was designed to terrify the white, male psyche with a story about male rape committed by giant penis-headed monsters, but isn't it obvious how grotesque it really is? 

I mean, seriously: they hatch from eggs laid by the one alien that's ever female at a given time: an indomitable woman who reproduces asexually and who has no need for a cock, and nothing ever fucks her. And what hatches from the eggs look like a pair of hands with a giant, mouth-raping penis and a rope-looking, throat-choking tail. 

So after you get face-raped and forced to swallow the fat load forced down your throat, you get to live with the shame of what happened before a slimy, black, penis-headed monster explodes out of your chest who then grows to enormous size and proceeds to run around with its cum-drippy, foreskin-looking mouth-inside-a-mouth gluing anybody it can find into a jizzy, vaginy, bondage cocoon where you get to wait helplessly for a face-raping cock-spider to force a load down your unwilling throat and start the process all over again.

The first and the third Alien movies remembered this truth, and this theme was present if you cared to look for it. But the other Alien movies largely bypassed the FACE RAPEY THROAT CHOKEY SHAME INDUCING CUM DRIPPY BLACK BONDAGE PENIS MONSTER and instead focused on good-old fashioned Hollywood shoot-em-up sci-fi action. Which is fine - directors and studios gotta make money, and if audiences want to see space aliens get blown up, then they're welcome to it.

But the Alien franchise is rooted in sexual terror, and while I can appreciate the direction Ridley Scott took with Prometheus and Covenant for the sake of having broader conversations, I feel like this sacrifices much of what made the Alien franchise terrifying and compelling in the first place. There are plenty of other science-fiction movies which explore the themes present in Prometheus and Covenant, but without the sexual tension in which the Alien franchise was born, the latest additions to the franchise fade into the background.